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What it Feels Like to Type with T-Rex Hands

Undiagnosed RA is a pain. What's worse is being undiagnosed with Junior RA because I know doctors do not take my flare-ups seriously.

I am sure I am speaking to the choir here, but T-Rex hands and stubby finger logs make me feel clumsy like I am banging on the keyboard smashing my fist around a pencil when writing. 

It's the pain of when I take the stairs slowly and breathe through each step. 

It's the 1/2 of my brain that notices the red swells around the joints on my knuckles, specifically my right hand. 

It's when my feet feel "tired," my leg bones "fatigued," and my knee joints "swollen."

Feeling the nodules form and temporarily go away. 

Poorly angled fist bumps I sooo regret,

Oh my gosh when I am on my way to school and using the steering wheel with only my palms 😭😭🤪

Switching between wanting the ice packs and ibuprofen and wanting to pretend I do not struggle with things I used to not before. 

Is it stress? Is it my diet? Is it overuse? Is it no use, wanting affirmation that I am justified in seeking an explanation more than "it's just growing pains?"



July is JA Awareness Month. 

Of course, I have mixed emotions. I do not suffer from psoriasis or back arthritis and I am not overtly flexible. My finger joints, knees, and feet pain levels are manageable, so I do not want to take away from someone with JA who deals with severe impairment in daily life. More than anything, these body reactions fascinate the crap out of me. Honestly, JA fascinates the crap out of researchers and many people alike. From my understanding, there is no real cause and there is no real cure. Autoimmune is a beautiful, misunderstood species to me, and part of why I went with MLS, pre-med. (ofc, subject to change: hello college freshman over here so muchhh pressure.)

If I do not suffer from JA like I think I do, what causes my inflammation? Of course, working out and being active helps, but I rarely stick to a schedule. Of course, eating the right foods helps, but I also am honest about my diet. Of course, I am aware that I may be biased just because my Grandma suffers from progressed RA and I am worried I will end up with "frozen" joints, but even if she was not one of my influences, I would still notice these symptoms. I'm not looking to cheat the system, claim symptoms that I do not have, or be put on medication. Similar to undiagnosed ADHD, I think I just want to be acknowledged and not looked over.

IDK, I'm also pretty proud of myself when I cover my hands up with the sleeves to remind myself to not be attention-seeking. Working through the typing and writing feels so powerful, and I like the ebb and flow of "It hurts but it's only an inconvenience that keeps me engaged." Psh.

Anyone else feeling the clunky T-Rex Hands right now? 


Credits

"Season 9 episode 26 GIF" by SpongeBob SquarePants via GIPHY

"Week Story GIF" by Arthritis Foundation via GIPHY

"Work Forget GIF" by Lisa Vertudaches via GIPHY






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