Young, Hopeful, Clueless

- Damn Skippy! Taste-Test WHITE by James Ijames [iams] is a playtext that explores race in modern America. As said in notes, "The play should feel like a sitcom until it's not" (Ijames, WHITE  5). "Genius is personal, decided by fate, but it expresses itself by means of system. There is no work of art without the system." - Le Corbusier Characters GUS- white, gay male artist in his 30s VANESSA - Black improv actor in her 30s; also plays DIANA ROSS "The Vision" and BALKONAÉ TOWNSEND "The Art" JANE- white woman, curator at the Parnell, in her 30s. TANNER- English Teacher and GUS's Asian boyfriend in his late 20s/ early 30s.  Location As per the playwright's instructions, productions work best when directors and actors do not place each setting or location. In class, I learned this might be to create a broader awareness that lack of diversity and racial tokens occur everywhere, that metropolises, suburbs, and small towns will not get the...

The bell would not ring fast enough. Looking out the window, my hand always finding the perfect spot to rest on my chin, I sat there and willed time to go faster. Once the bell finally rang, I made my way to the garden on the far side of the property. After mere seconds of pondering a single daisy, I flew up to see the big clock. It was 2:30 and considerably past time, so from the stone courtyard to the school, I flew fast to get back to my lessons, skidding when I got too close to the ground. Oh no. The entry gate was locked. In desperation, I banged on the 32 ground level and some 2nd floor windows. No one heard me. Alas, there must have been noise reducing enchantments placed on the classrooms now that school was back in session.  With the afternoon left to me, I wandered off. Nervous at first, then free. I had always wondered what it would be like to break the veil of the fairy realm and often faced repremeants because of it. I still remember when I was so eager to produce natu...

After I got home tired from my carpentry job, I took my beautiful fiance into my arms. How can I be this lucky, I thought to myself as Jacq took the meatloaf out of the oven. I couldn’t contain myself to just stirring the green beans. It made me happy that even after 3 years, it still made Jacq squeal “Mason!” when I scooped him up in one big motion. Soon thereafter, I shut our bedroom door. The final checks had to be done, so I headed to where Jacq and I’s wedding ceremony and reception was going to take place. Being a set designer, I couldn’t stay away from the action. I knew everyone would be there already working. I quietly slipped on his jeans to get ready for the day. I headed towards the door with a half-eaten sesame bagel in my mouth, but it was just too much of a temptation with the bedroom still half often. Okay, just a peek, I convinced myself as I deteried from my predisposed route.  I turned the corner to see sunlight streaming in across his tousled hair. It brought a ...

The Exotic dancer pulled the dollar bills from her g-string and said, “Looks like we’re eating steak tonight, baby.” “No thank you,” said the vampire, Kipper. “I believe I’ll be eating you tonight, baby.” And so Kipper, having illegally seduced the Exotic dancer, pulled her from her pole and fed off of the bite in her neck. He had given her the bite while she was giving lap dances in the crowd. Bills for a bite, he had thought, stuffing them in. Kipper left her body in the back alley of the DeJaVu. “Where next?” he mused. But it didn’t end there. Though he couldn’t hear it from miles away, Mary whimpered.  Where was she, were Mary’s waking thoughts. She looked around, consciousness returning. The last thing she remembered were the lights fading out. Strange fellow, into biting. I’ll remember him. Mary rarely entertained guests from shows, keep business and play separate, but there was something different about this customer, and friend. But there wasn’t anything different becau...

The blue sky and now familiar town flies by. It’s taken months to become accustomed to the way the brick buildings conform to the naturally bland environment surrounding them. My own little slice of the aspired Quad Cities. It’s surprising how Bettendorf has become normal to me compared to how everything was big, scary, and complex just months ago. I remember when I thought I’d always be afraid of getting lost, and now, I could drive absentmindedly by, if I had my license that is. I don’t. I have no intention of getting it soon. I’ve always been happy taking the school bus that ships me everywhere without complaint. I feel tense in my seat, squirming this way and that; it’s an equal amount of teenagers’ idle chatter and the boy who hasn’t talked to me, the boy sitting miles away. He doesn’t ask what’s going on in my wonderwall mind. He’s quiet today, trying to catch a nap, not painfully aware like I am.  Matthew is the closest friendship that I’ve developed at my new school so far....

After having to answer my social worker’s nagging, intrusive questions at the outpatient counseling center, I stuck what I didn’t think were a grungy pair of headphones in my ears and thought about how the meeting went. I hated this place; I hated all places like this place, the place with every type of prevention and motivational poster. It wasn’t like I was going to relapse with all this drug-free, abstinence school propaganda on the walls. Was I or was I not supposed to lead a life full of drug-influenced sex instead of going to college? Anybody would get mixed signals, I thought to myself, sitting on grody carpet and leaning against the painted brick wall. “How was school today?" Martin asked, as I shoved my backpack (which was full of homework I knew I wasn’t going to do) onto the recently vacuumed floorboard of the car. Only Martin, I thought to myself, climbing in. Only Martin would take pride in his $500 cash car. My older brother’s flexible work schedule was one of the re...

Undiagnosed RA is a pain. What's worse is being undiagnosed with Junior RA because I know doctors do not take my flare-ups seriously. I am sure I am speaking to the choir here, but T-Rex hands and stubby finger logs make me feel clumsy like I am banging on the keyboard smashing my fist around a pencil when writing.  It's the pain of when I take the stairs slowly and breathe through each step.  It's the 1/2 of my brain that notices the red swells around the joints on my knuckles, specifically my right hand.  It's when my feet feel "tired," my leg bones "fatigued," and my knee joints "swollen." Feeling the nodules form and temporarily go away.  Poorly angled fist bumps I sooo regret, Oh my gosh when I am on my way to school and using the steering wheel with only my palms 😭😭🤪 Switching between wanting the ice packs and ibuprofen and wanting to pretend I do not struggle with things I used to not before.  Is it stress? Is it my diet? Is it ov...

I hated the first 8 weeks of freshman year. What did I just sign up for? Why did I waste my FAFSA for a "university education" when I hate all the teachers, SI leaders, and student-athletes? Why was there not any support for commuter students? I say with complete honesty that I was going to withdraw from classes before the spring semester.  And then I signed up for a Time Management Appointment with an honest, caring tutor in grad school with a background in counseling. My mom talked about a counselor she had when she was 17. Liz understood my troubled mom and even worked on keeping her on after she aged out at 18. The Academic Skills Coach became my Liz. It was fun the first time meeting up in his office; I even fooled him for a while. But after a few weeks, I couldn't hold back how tired I was. He looked past the straight A's and well-timed smiles. Behind my "wall" was avoidance, zero confidence, and crippling loneliness. I was tired of pretending that I h...