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Dolla-Dolla Bills, Baby

The Exotic dancer pulled the dollar bills from her g-string and said, “Looks like we’re eating steak tonight, baby.”

“No thank you,” said the vampire, Kipper. “I believe I’ll be eating you tonight, baby.”

And so Kipper, having illegally seduced the Exotic dancer, pulled her from her pole and fed off of the bite in her neck. He had given her the bite while she was giving lap dances in the crowd. Bills for a bite, he had thought, stuffing them in. Kipper left her body in the back alley of the DeJaVu. “Where next?” he mused. But it didn’t end there. Though he couldn’t hear it from miles away, Mary whimpered. 

Where was she, were Mary’s waking thoughts. She looked around, consciousness returning. The last thing she remembered were the lights fading out. Strange fellow, into biting. I’ll remember him. Mary rarely entertained guests from shows, keep business and play separate, but there was something different about this customer, and friend. But there wasn’t anything different because he too had left her. She got up and noticed a lightness to her steps and inclined senses, though she’ll admit she was sore. The sweat made her gag as she got a whiff from inside. The promiscuous scents led Mary to take a different route (to where, she didn’t know). There was something different about tonight, not him. Mary, the Exotic dancer. Mary, the lover, not the fighter. Mary, the salvation. Mary, not quite a virgin.

“Kipper, explain yourself,” the head of the Order said. 

“Why? I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary.” 

It was true. Kipper had done what he had always done. Leave the victim for dead and play it safe, make sure they aren’t the type that’ll be missed or investigated. That’s what he had always done, so why was this time different?

“We have a problem. I want you to go out and find her.”

Who? was all Kipper could think as he left the big meeting room. The Order had brought in 6 of the board members for his summoning. And what made this time so different? Stacey? No. Hillary? No. Jackie? Kipper couldn't remember the victim’s name, and that bothered him.

The next week, Kipper was having a meal with his son, Dread, at a diner. Dread, full vampire, had a fascination with all things human, and though Kipper could not relate, he liked to help cultivate his son’s ideas about the worlds. The world was different than the one Kipper had grown up in. Dread would have to live in a world with humans, vampires, and, dare he say, werewolves, too. 

“Oh, Mary!” the manager called out.

Mary. That was it. 

Mary knew she couldn’t be the only one out there, yet she was also aware that real life was not Twilight and The Vampire Lestat series. Because of this, she had found a lifestyle out of Exotic dancing. She was now a waitress. That would be enough to disguise her identity while also giving her time to explore her new vampire senses.

“Hello, we wou-” 

Kipper couldn’t finish. It was her. He swooped Dread out of the booth but not before scrawling a note that said

Meet me tonight @666Devil’s Road. I’ll have answers. 

-Kipper

What was Kipper to do now that he found her? Kipper went home after dropping Dread off at the ex-wife’s house. Kipper cleaned his own house; it was already spotless. He brewed coffee; it never had an effect on him. He threw pieces of scrap metal on fences and other bending structures; it did little to distract his racing thoughts. What did the Order want him to do with Mary? Mary? She didn’t look like harm. The Exotic dancer Mary?

He turned his head a millisecond too late. Mary, the same Exotic dancer who pulled dollar bills from her g-string and said, “Looks like we’re eating steak tonight, baby” threw a flaming torch into the back of Kipper’s skull. This time, Kipper was left for dead. And this time, he was. And Mary was the survivor.


This was a Fiction Writing Assignment in 11th Grade at Bettendorf High School. Extraordinary experience but not enough vampires. I understand the short story is not perfect, but it pays homage to the Young, Hopeful, and Clueless high school kiddo I was <3

Image Credits:
"Stripper Pole Dancer Girl" by Whitedaemon via Pixabay, 28 Feburary 2016. https://pixabay.com/photos/stripper-pole-dancer-girl-pylon-1221639/. Accessed 27 November 2024.

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